DubiousBehavior.com

Has Societal Maturity Changed or Atrophied?

Whom do we blame for the end result, or is doing so immature?

One always risks playing to “old fart” (the whiner, not the wine) when reflecting back on what seemed better times in society. If old fart means learning something from the past, so be it.

While we marvel at teenagers and their ability to use technology to heartily dissect and digest computer programming and porn, we also know they can’t change the oil in the hybrids we bought them or fully fathom illicit drug use and 401ks.

But perhaps that was part of our plan…the myth of making a better life for our children by protecting, forestalling and insulating them from harmful realities. But are we helping them?

Think about distinguished youth from history. Young westward-ho settlers killing three rattlesnakes and a grizzly bear before breakfast and salt-of-the-earth farm families also raising teenaged brood carrying bales of hay, a plow and their own weight. Young and distinguished military officers, politicians, Underground Railroaders, resistance fighters, conquerors and heroes. Boys and girls who were men and women. They contributed more than they took, and perhaps we’re all in a better place because of that.

For many baby boomers, parents often gauged their success as parents by insisting on and facilitating the path to college. “Don’t work in the mill/mine/store like me. Make something of yourself!” They toiled so we didn’t have to. And despite years of backbreaking WORK for those of us now graduating towards old-farterdom, they often had it better than THEIR parents.

Yet better is often not better, and such insulation hardly makes for the hardy. We all want better for our children, but are we helping them? Since when was it acceptable for late teens and 20somethings to still act like children? Talk about whining…And don’t ask them to vote, name a member of Congress or think about being responsible for their actions. They’ll get to it…later.

It is not uncommon for a family to experience role reversals. As the parents age, forget, move more slowly and see less sharply, children assume increasingly responsible roles. They call the cable company when necessary and help with the checkbook. A little sad, but also nicely normal.

Yet it also doesn’t help that “adult” figureheads act like children. Politicians prouder of partisanship than the unity of their countries. A full-grown real estate developer calling a loud, classless "comedienne" names – and vise versa. A President who lies, back peddles, thinks he knows what’s good for everyone and doesn’t know the difference. Racial leaders hiding their own racism behind their own race. Gay men who use their power to hide who they are and punish their own. Ineffective and impotent Democrats who by being part of that political party helped define it as such. The famous for only being famous. Bah!

To drive through a city neighborhood and see unsupervised children playing in the streets at 11:00 at night or parents condoning by their silence racism, illiteracy, entitlement or disconnectedness with what they brought into the world can be considered a snapshot of our future.

Somewhere along the line 25 year olds still remain children and many of their parents would rather be their sibling than their superior. Someone explain to them the difference between youthfulness and immaturity.

 

 

Fat Cops and Tasers

We’re reminded of a severely underrated television show from the early 1990s called The Commish. If you saw it, you remember it. If you didn’t, it was about a police commissioner who used his brains over his (lack of) brawn. He was a professional “cop” in every sense of the word. He studied and practiced criminal psychology and used their own flaws against them – intellectually. He would no more use a taser than follow Atkins. (Or, insert early 1990s diet trend here.)

From some of the videos and news reports we’ve seen, these police officers are no more capable of running down a suspect than running a marathon. Sure is easy to pull something out of your holster than out of your head. How do these people qualify as protectors of the public? Having respect for law enforcement goes a long way to perpetuating its effectiveness. The criminals aren't always laughing at all of law enforcement. Sometimes they're just laughing and ignoring cops too overweight to do their jobs and too lazy to do anything but shoot something.

The Elephants that Forget - Memory Testing for Government Appointees

With the resignation of Alberto Gonzales as United States Attorney General, nominee names have begun to fill the err.

It’s ironic that for a party represented by an elephant, so few of its members remember much.

“Scooter” Libby used to hold the recent record. Yea, he didn’t know too much. Hope he remembered to send President Bush a thank you note for the pardon. If he didn’t that would just be rude. Maybe his wife will remind him. Hope he remembers her name.

The easy answer for why people forget under scrutiny, especially under legal and/or political scrutiny is that looking stooopid is better than perjury, getting diddled by the history books or opening a fresh boîte de pandore. (That's sort of French for "can of worms." We thought it klassed things up a bit).  We should pass a Constitutional Amendment that allows for hypnosis and ginkgo biloba infusions during Congressional hearings.

But for the meantime, let’s not make the same mistake during future important appointments. All future cabinet members and other appointees MUST BE REQUIRED TO TAKE A MEMORY TEST at the time of their appointment and every six months thereafter. If they fail initially, they cannot be confirmed or hired. If they slip during subsequent testing, they must be removed. A bipartisan committee will track the progress of these “public servants” by periodically moving their car keys, erasing their wives’ and husbands’ birthdates from their calendars, and coercing their mistresses and lovestuds to periodically changing their pet names from, say, “love lips” to “cupcake face” every three months. You know, play hell with the synapses. 

When you think about what is evaluated during this vetting, memory is not. After the recent and regrettable seizure by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, you betcha that physical heath considerations will increase for future confirmations. So why not address faulty memories the same way? Isn’t a memory a valuable part of what “the American People” want in a public servant? Aren’t we less effective, less powerful, and less able to do our jobs without one? And worse, isn’t not having one dangerous? We should be worried for ourselves in the hands of these ferocious forgetters. Really, how far were we from hearing “Hmmm…now I know there was a guy about to get a lethal injection SOMEWHERE in the country today, and I wanted to do something about that….who WAS that again?...Oh, well.” Oh, well indeed.

The White House offers helpful hints on applying for an appointed position. It’s right under “One of President Bush's top priorities is to select men and women of the greatest ability and highest ethical and professional integrity to serve in policymaking and key administrative positions in his administration.” on this webpage. http://www.whitehouse.gov/appointments/

Everything’s kind of covered there including long hours, pace, public scrutiny, background checks on employment, professional and personal lives, travel, financial, legal, military, and educational histories. Medical is mentioned but nothing specific to memory. Maybe someone forgot.

We’re citizens and we want good management. If you can’t remember, we’re going to think you’re lying. If you take a test in order to get the job and pass, we’ll know you’re lying. So with this plan there are two options: Tell the truth or lie. But don’t tell us you forgot, don’t recall, disremember, unlearn, or suffered amnesia. That we find unbelievable.

The Contagion of Celebrity

For those of you who don’t know what to think of celebrity, DubiousBehavior.com has decided to help. We have concentrated a year’s worth of wasted time and mindless googawing on the topic into one posting in order to get it off of our backs and onto yours.

We think we get it – the media glare, adoration, revulsion, and pixie dust that falls upon or is thrust upon certain people. It drives revenue for and interest in certain media organs and institutions and feeds a demographic that…oh, we just said that. VERY few in the media seem immune as documented by the rather intense coverage of the incarceration of a blonde drunk driver in California.

Now, the easy argument or complaint is that many of these pixie dusters don’t deserve it. They are manufactured or self manufactured and unfairly snatch a disproportionate piece of the cosmic pie. Pictures, news coverage, buzz…it makes perfect business sense when it translates into movie, music, and magazine sales.

And we get that people need diversion – someone to look at, if not look up to. Someone to selectively dissect in order to feel better about themselves: Some hotel owner in New York has more money, but I have better hair. Or some actress is certainly attractive and seems happy with her career, but at least I don’t have her cellulite. Like that.

Yet our problem with this is larger, and it is what we call The Contagion of Celebrity:

1. Someone is famous because they do or don’t deserve it
2. They are brought to the attention of others by people seeking their own celebrity
3. Those people achieve the “double leech” version of celebrity
4. Anyone can become famous
5. Fame is then what is on the padded part of a Band-Aid that gets puffy and pussy and crusty and falls off.

Nothing more.

The news media in this country claim to stand by the factual and not manufacture that which they cover for the sake of covering it. As tempting as we’re sure it is to throw a Molotov cocktail into an abandoned warehouse on a slow news day, they probably don’t do that (much). Or misplace children. Or cause climate change. Or slaughter whales. But they DO invent perceived importance in people. They make people bigger, better understood, and beat-up-able. Then, they own them and can do what they like with them. “We made you and we can break you.” It must be irresistible. It’s also wrong. Think about it.

Not to be confused with a journalist, but to witness as a guest host -- on CNN of all places -- a spray-tanned, middle-aged, GROWN MAN making a living off the non-news of others is The Best of the Back of the Band-Aid. There’s a sadder case too, but he’s just a boy, or a girl, he/she can’t seem to decide. (He/she says so on their website.)

So why is it a problem and if it is, what is the solution? Perhaps even the least discriminating of us need to be more discriminating about what a celebrity is. Otherwise, we’ll ALL be one and then people who actually achieve something will become important again. Hey, wait a minute, that’s not such a bad idea. Diversion is fun and fine, but divert with some meat – not the irrelevant mucky goo on back of a Band-Aid. And maybe, just maybe, serious media and news organizations will learn the difference between communicating things that matter and things that they are responsible for making up. And then maybe we will, too.

Hahahahahaha....No.

We were recently sent an e-mail that went something like this:

 “Agenda for the 2008 Democratic National Convention”

 7:00 pm Opening flag burning

7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N. in Spanish

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore

8:15 pm Gay Wedding - Barney Frank presiding

You get the idea.

Knowing that we had some (dubious?) talent for pithy proclamations, we were asked to draft a worthy response. Ours went something like this:

It’s nice that there are funny Republicans. Ones that have time to make funny (albeit tired) jokes about Ted Kennedy’s drinking and Bill Clinton’s philandering. Having time is nice. Presumably, the funny list from the Democratic Convention was supposed to make us jealous that we’re not Republicans…or something.

Well here’s another list. It’s not funny, but we didn’t have to make it up, either.

Senate Republicans blocked legislation yesterday that would have allowed the federal government to negotiate Medicare drug prices…to lower prescription costs for senior citizens. Washington Post -- April 19, 2007

Senate Republicans for a second time blocked a symbolic attempt by Democrats to reject President Bush's troop increase yesterday that expresses support for the troops but criticizes Bush's decision to expand combat ranks by more than 20,000 troops. Washington Post - February 18, 2007

Senate Republicans on Wednesday were able to narrowly block an effort to limit the time that individual American troops can be deployed in Iraq -- a proposed amendment to require giving troops as much home leave as the time they have served in Iraq. International Herald Tribune -- July 11, 2007 

Senate Republicans on Tuesday blocked organized labor's top legislative priority this year — a bill designed to make it easier for unions to organize workers at nonunion workplaces. Los Angeles Times - June 27, 2007

And then it occurred to us -- what a waste of time. “United” States, indeed. How dubious. And how we regret contributing so derisively to the division. 

Using Immigrants to Help the U.S. Police for Terrorists

It would be hard to imagine another twist on “solving the immigrant ‘problem’” in the United States. Whatever your position, illegal immigrants, undocumented aliens, or whatever you want to call them are coming here through Mexico without legal authorization because they want to AND terrorists are probably coming with them.

Terrorists (described as those wishing to do harm to our country) are not stupid. They have proven that they think of approaches that we don’t -- or don’t act upon -- and have no problem preparing or waiting for the appropriate time while observing and testing our security and reactionary procedures.

Here’s a partial solution: Use the immigrants to watch for terrorists.

1) Communicate to and coordinate the many immigrant support groups, and the Mexican government to the degree that it will help, to publicize along the border that the U.S. is looking for terrorists. Describe the profiles, nationalities, names, descriptions, terrorist habits, or anything else that is useful in describing them, and educate the immigrants on what to look for.

2) Quickly develop and offer a trusted line of communication for the immigrants at the border to contact either these support groups or some sympathetic U.S. Government or quasi-government agency to field the leads.

3) Allow those diligent immigrants to code themselves as the originator of those leads to allow them to receive credit for their efforts.

4) Aggressively accelerate the path to citizenship for any of these immigrants. After all, they’ve just performed an extraordinary patriotic service for a country that they haven’t even officially joined yet – and it’s a whole lot more sincere and effective than just slapping a magnetic yellow ribbon on an SUV.

 Having never written a Constitutional Amendment before, let’s call this a first draft:

 “Citizenship to the United States of America shall be granted to individuals proven to have identified and aided in the conviction of terrorists wishing to attack or otherwise do harm to the United States.”

 …or something like that.

 And to be clear, until such time that new legislation is passed, the law is the law and should be enforced. Yet we also have a potentially tremendous resource here.

Since we are in a “War on Terror,” wouldn’t this level of pre-patriotism constitute some sort of service to this country? Scoff if you want, mention the Newark, New Jersey murder suspect Jose Carranza, or criticize without contributing. But hand-in-hand with almost all of the news coverage on illegal immigrants is their desire to work and be here. Remember, the issue is they’re purportedly stealing our jobs, not our cars, children, or classified documents. Let’s just put them to work a little smarter and a little earlier. Lives can be saved and improved and from what we hear, we could use the help.

Dubious Behavior

When DubiousBehavior.com was launched, the intent was to draw attention to the hypocrisy and questionable behavior of those civic, political, religious, and other “leaders” who have influence over and play a role in our daily lives. Frankly, there has been so much chum in casting such wide a net, that our collective critical gears have frozen solid over where to start.

Dubiousbehavior.com does not wish to be redundant or obvious. If some right wing political or religious leader is diddling prostitutes or alter boys, or some eco-fanatic is chartering a 747 outfitted with a disco ball and a Python covered ice bucket in transit to a save-the-ozone rally, how can we contribute other than regurgitating the obvious or serving as another “here they go again” Google listing?

So how do we be relevant without losing what little soul we’ve attempted to articulate? (i.e. focus on dubious behavior) If you can’t be part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Apathy sucks, hypocrisy’s worse, and don't get us started on dubiousness. We already have.

So we intend to tackle some of the crap that seems to have this country, which we love, in a collective panty twist. Read us. Write us. Rag on us. We’ll probably say things like panty twist when necessary. 

Political Hell*

*It’s only redundant if you think about it.

 We know little about afterlife, but we’re pretty sure for many politicians there’s a Political Hell. It happened, didn’t it? An image just popped into your head. What was it? Karl Rove and Alberto Gonzales oiling each other up and rapping to at the gate? Bill Clinton welcoming you in his bathrobe? Ralph Nader offering to drive you there in a Corvair?

OK, that’s all very nice and clearly something for you and your conscious and/or therapist, but here’s how it really is.

Politicians taking money from the government and not doing their jobs are stealing. The problem is that they also control the Cone of Ambiguity governing what their jobs are and how their performance is rated. Scary. It’s like everyone writing their own employment performance evaluation. And we’re the ones undergoing Constituent Harassment in their workplace. You heard it here first: You can’t open your mind if you’re spending all of your time covering your ass. And somewhere in that contortionistic vortex, their balls go missing. But you know that. I just said it this way first.

No matter. Thieves go to Hell. Hell, we all know that. And Hell is equal and omnipresent. Democrats go to Republican hell, Republicans go to Democratic Hell, and Independents don’t go anywhere. In the meantime, many of them spread their version of hell with us and every two or four years – back-at-ya – we get to make them practice sweating for their underground afterlife.

[In the interest of fairness, and so that DubiousBehavior.com does not risk becoming overly negative and blanket-accusatory, please response at the end of this column if you are a politician who thinks they are not going to hell. Insert your name, position within the government (Top or Bottom), and reasons why you’re more virtuous than you’re not. We will thoroughly fact check and post all replies.]

What’s our point? Well, we may not have one this time but if we did, it would be this: Hell is a different place for different people. Some don’t believe in it at all. Others think they’re in it now. Only one thing is certain – it’s a place to avoid, not a destination venue, and not something you share the version you’re capable of producing around you with others. If you want to go to Hell, please do. Just don’t send me to or make me live in yours.

Can a Society Become Immune to Dubiousness?

Dubious behavior used to be like a shark at the beach. If not rare, then unusual enough to cause people to take notice. In a society, and the subsets of that society, the citizenry functions like an organism. It moves this way and that, enjoys pleasures and experiences sadness, remains largely productive, and since we're not living in some apocalypse -- seems to allow good to win over evil.

Yet there is a current, almost a numbness, that is permeating much of American society. It is subtle, you bet. But it is also enveloping it/us. This current is acting like a disease that has yet to be fully diagnosed, and it is malignant. That disease is unchecked and unbridled dubious behavior.

No longer a shark at the beach, dubious behavior it today more like, oh, let's not exaggerate -- oxygen. It is delivered through every medium that reaches us. And like chloroform and latter stage Presidential campaigns, its presence can make us numb to it.

Why, you may ask, is this important?

The steady introduction of any quasi-dishonesty or duplicity prevents a society from making factually- informed decisions that can affect its own future. When that society is a "world power," how those decisions are made is potentially even more dangerous.

What is truly amazing is that any of this has to be explained AND that dubious behavior is still with us. One would think that the Dubious Behavior Gene (the DBG) should have evolved out of our DNA years ago. We DID kind of reach the top of the food chain and pretty much ceased being seriously threatened by anything else crawling or flying around.  Many of the tricks we learned like dressing as sheep in order to eat them and rolling around in deer urine in order to, well, sneak up on them and eat them too, are no longer necessary. We have guns and shepherds now.

Yet rather than retire the impulse, we fine-tuned it to use on ourselves. We fashioned designer gods to bring us sun, crops, and fertility and to protect us from volcanoes, plagues, and homosexuality. We invented remarkable new ways to deliver dubiousness as quickly as possible to as many people as possible <cough><Fox><cough>. We even perfected it as a language, if not an oral art form, and so effectively worship it that those who excel in its study get to run companies, churches, and the country.

It would be easy to make DubiousBehavior.com into some sort of disingenuous Jumbo-tron tracking the scores of who is more dubious, why, and when. Bah! We have the news media for that -- once you get your decoder ring working (and KNOW that you NEED a decoder ring). Rather, let's concentrate on the specific individual threat to civilized society brought to bear by  specific offenses of dubious behavior while also providing awareness to prevent immunity. That way, we don't look like we have an ax to  grind, and you'll feel less guilty about spending time reading this.

A dubious rationale? We don't think so.

Bless this Mess

We imagine that like with everything else, there was once a simpler time for religion. Some might say (in court) that it goes back to as recently as the 1960s and 1970s when the dubious behavior of priests was not questioned. To hell with that.

But once upon a time there was clearly a greater connection between earthbound man and the sum of his beliefs. Perhaps this was before investigative reporting and television and the skepticism and "reality" they breed. Perhaps there was just less to think about and more to fear.

Regardless, and like with everything else, we are in the here and now. Well, most of us, anyway. And for every hypocritical hooligan hanging with high school hunks, there is probably someone still who believes they are saving your soul and still keeping theirs in their pants.

The numbers are interesting. We regularly hear that there are X million or billion Catholics, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Protestants, Sikhs, and all of the others in the world. Almost everyone's got a post-apocalyptic gig, whether it's white wings or vestal virgins. And that's probably good. Years ago and in a different corporate life, we were asked if we wanted to be on the local board of "Partnership for a Drug Free America." Now, we have no particular pro-drug position here, but we found ourselves declining the invitation with the none-too-tactful and far-too-spontaneous statement "We're not sure a drug free America is such a good idea. Won't everyone be just a little too tense?" They were not amused.

The point here is that it's hard to say that religion is not GOOD. It may take some dubious forms and be run on occasion by dubious people, but it does quell and can foster other good. And religion as a sport seems to be healthy. There isn't really any appetite for those who wish to vanquish religion unilaterally. Oh, sure, there's a lot of "if you're not part of mine you're going to hell" and all that, but religion as a rule seems to be OK.

So, what's the problem? No problem. As long as religion is in the hands of the, er, religious. Things seemed to unravel when man stepped in and started translating and insisting that one was better than the other. If this blog were about irony, we could go on for a few days..."Follow my god/God or I'll kill you! Oh, AND you're going to hell!" What IS that? We don't get it.

But, this is a blog, and we invite feedback, so maybe you do. How did religion become some dubious? Has it always been? Is our new world-wide-village to blame? Again, we ponder. Perhaps you can tell us.